Dad revokes access to 2-year-old and 5-month-old kids after grandma ignores all his boundaries: 'Family members told me that we needed to let go'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jan 4, 2025 6:00 PM EST

In theory, giving your parents grandkids should be one of the happiest times for a family as a whole. Given the number of moms and dads with adult children who pressure them to start families of their own no matter what their current personal circumstances, a new baby should be something that unifies everybody, not forces them apart.

However, when it comes to some grandparents the way they treat the youngest generations can become a cause for concern. The reality is that times change and so do parenting styles, along with the different rules and ideas that they entail. Many older people prefer to go by the attitudes that worked for them when they were parents, but that doesn't mean that their kids are going to be happy about it. Add to that the protectiveness that many new parents have when it comes to their kids, and it can be a recipe for disaster. 

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    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

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  • For one dad of two young children, his mom's behavior surrounding both his kids and his wife's pregnancies had become too much to bear. After multiple issues with her disregarding certain boundaries and rules that he and his wife had established, they mutually decided it was time to cut contact before their second child was born. A few months after that, though, and family were pressuring them to make amends.

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    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

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    AITA for not sharing information about or allowing my parents to see my kids until my mom appologizes
    via Kller_Slush
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    My wife (30F) and I (31M) have two children (2F and 5mM). Since our daughter was born, we have had a variety of instances where my mom has either not asked for permission on things or has just flat out ignored boundaries. The character limit is too short to share all of them so I will summarize the major ones. Shared the news about our daughter's birth with the whole family when I only gave permission to tell grandparents. She said that's "just how her family operates".
    via Kller_Slush
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    Kissed our daughter on the forehead when she was two weeks old. Our daughter was a premie and it was peak C V season and my mom had a cold sore so she didn't kiss us. She told us it was a butterfly kiss and not a real kiss and "I had kids so I know what I'm doing". When we found out that we were expecting our 2nd we chose not to share the news with anyone outside of our parents until the third trimester. When I told my mom she couldn't share until we were ready she got upset. For several months
    via Kller_Slush
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    Since I wasn't saying anything outside of "this is our decision and we will share when we are ready" my mom called my MIL. I confronted her on this and how my wife and I felt like she was trying to go behind our backs for info. She responded with "I don't f-ing care about your feelings". This was April. Things blew up in June when we went to my parents for my grandfather's birthday. My wife avoided my mom because she didn't want to start anything at a family event. When we were getting ready to
    via Kller_Slush
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    It has now been almost 7 months since this last incident. We have not seen my parents since. They know we have son but have never met him and have not seen any pictures of him or our daughter outside of a family picture we put on FB announcing his birth. We aren't backing down from this until my mom owns up to her actions. This made it so the rest of family did not see the kids over the holidays due to my mom be at the parties. Family members told me that we needed to let go, that we were weapon
    via Kller_Slush
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    When the dad shared his frustrations with the internet, people were unanimously on his side.

    imamage_fightme NTA. You had some pretty reasonable boundaries - unfortunately I think your mum is a bit of a bulldozer who is used to getting her way. The fact that your family is pushing you to drop it rather than telling her to apologise is telling. Everyone has spent years and years allowing her to get her own way, and now that you're standing up to her, she can't stand it - so she's making everyone miserable hoping they will pressure you to back down. Don't do it! Keep your boundaries and p
    via imamage_fightme
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    Organic-Mix-9422 'I don't care about your f ing feelings' how many of your family either heard or know about this? If they want to see you and kids they can organise something without her. That sentence alone is more than worth cutting her out
    via Organic-Mix-9422
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    hubertburnette NTA. What does "let it go" mean? That you let your mom break all your (reasonable) rules? Ask them if they are telling your mom to "let it go"--meaning abide by your rules.
    via hubertburnette
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    AdNew6755 Where is your father in all this? Your mother clearly has some issues but she shouldn't be the reason you don't see any of your family. I'm sure that it mist be very hurtful for you not to have your family share in the joy of your children. Behaviour such as hugging without asking and kissing babies (nobody should kiss young babies in any case in my view) seems to be generational thing she might never accept that there is anything wrong with this. You have to decide for yourself whethe
    via AdNew6755
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    Puzzled-Peanut-7147 NTA. I had to do the same thing and go NC for about 18 months with my mother because she wouldn't respect our boundaries as well. She eventually apologized and started respecting our boundaries and everything has been fine since then. The thing is, they think they know everything. I'm not sure about you but the way I was raised wasn't great so while I didn't di, I wouldn't be giving my parents any awards, in fact I've succeeded despite them but that's another story. The issue
    via Puzzled-Peanut-7147
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    The important thing is not to return the anger and yelling, act very matter of factly, stating your boundaries and issues with her behavior in no uncertain terms. If she does apologize and you decide to reconnect, you need to have a firm and frank conversation upfront with what your expectations are and the consequences if she doesn't abide by those. Some people are just so egotistical and narcissistic that they cannot see beyond their own perspective. That's not your problem, that's hers.
    via Puzzled-Peanut-7147
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    Mcfly Throwaway01 ΝΤΑ She needs to learn to respect you and your wife. She has told you she doesn't care about your feelings. When people show you who they really are, believe them. Your mom would rather not have you or your family in her life if it isn't under her terms. Yet she makes herself the victim. She only cares about herself and won't ever respect you guys if you just rug sweep it and move on. She owes your wife AND YOU an apology. But the thing is, an apology means nothing if she isnt
    via McflyThrowaway01
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    werecoons NTA. She is the one not respecting boundaries and should apologize. Also, what kind of person acts like nothing happened after telling their son that his feelings don't matter to them? That is toddler behavior. Smh, some people grow old but never grow up. This is a fantastic opportunity to set a good example for your kids about setting boundaries and standing your ground, or at least the one old enough to remember the event. Just saying. Letting this sort of behavior stand will only ex
    via werecoons
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    violetsol_12 NTA. they are your kids, they are your rules. I absolutely HATE family members who think they have a right to touch and kiss anothers kid especially a newborn. they are so fragile and have to be healthy. My boyfriend has a 5 year old daughter, and we are actively teaching her consent as well. His family and mine are old school and "give them a hug/kiss goodbye" and we tell her she doesnt have to if she doesnt want to, a verbal goodbye is the same. these old a people annoy me. Your p
    via violetsol_12
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    KrofftSurvivor NTA - If your family members want to be in your life, then why are they acting as if your mother is the grand empress, controlling all??? I mean, it kind of proves your point that they don't think they can initiate time with you unless she's involved. - So she'll be at the party, big deal - they can still invite you and your wife and kids over on a different day to spend time together they simply choose not to.
    via KrofftSurvivor
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    iamevilcupcake NTA You can tell others that your mother has made it clear that she wants to be able to do whatever she wants in relation to the children, even to the point of ignoring the health and wellbeing of said children. Trying to get her to realize that the children's needs are more important that your mother's wants is not weaponizing the children, and that her being an emotional wreck is because she's not getting her own way.
    via iamevilcupcake
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    No-Accountant3744 NTA absolutely do not back down that'll just show she can push boundaries with only temporary repercussions. She might try guilt trip and all that to keep other's pressure on you but hold strong. If she never admits her wrongdoing that's on her. If she does eventually apologize I'd proceed with caution and keep her at arms length. Updateme
    via No-Accountant3744
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    Any_Dragonfruit4130 NTA. Your mom is a caustic disaster. I would go No Contact with her because she is ultimately going to hurt your children unless she gets some serious counseling. No one should except her behavior
    via Any_Dragonfruit4130
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    Thismarno NTA, she's made her choice! She'd rather stomp on your reasonable requests than have a relationship. Good job putting your children first.
    via Thismarno
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    Annie041974 NTA. I support your decision regarding boundaries for your mother. You are doing the right thing. If she can't respect your boundaries and decisions then she respects nothing but herself.
    via Annie041974
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    thethingis82 It's not weaponizing the kids, it's protecting them from an unsafe person. NTA.
    via thethingis82
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    MaidoftheBrins NTA It blows my mind how many "family members" think the people who are normal are the ones "over reacting", and "should just let it go"; they are all enablers of bad behavior. It was her choice to curse at you and slam the door in your face. It's up to her to apologize.
    via MaidoftheBrins
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    HotPizzaMilk NTA. If your wife's family can behave, spend all your time with them. Take the focus off spending big events where your mom will be there (instead of you), and ask relatives about one on one time. Let them know the rules and that they will be followed or you won't be returning. Your mom shutting you out is a gift in disguise and please stick to your boundaries.
    via HotPizzaMilk
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    sarahmegatron ΝΤΑ Your mother needs to grow up and learn she doesn't always get her way. The rest of the family is likely very tired of her sh and rather than focusing on telling her to get her act together they are focusing on you because you are probably easier to deal with. Don't back down, invite everyone (that you trust) except your mom to a gathering at your home so they can see the kids. Her being the only one on the outside will make her crazy, maybe it will be enough to get her to try a
    via sarahmegatron

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rules aita baby kids grandma parenting dad argument reddit thread Reddit mom grandchildren
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